Rufus the dog on dating

Sorry I haven't written in a few whiles, but I've been working on my M. Div. thesis on the topic of dating. My marvellous and mischievous mistress takes me on a lot of Starbucks dates. (She's so cool, but she would never say that.) This is, no doubt, because of my gentlemanly ways, my distinguished good looks, and my saintly patience. Not only do I make Jen look good, but my gentle and joyful demeanor attract many admirers, especially short, sporatic, shrieking ones. These kids often think petting a dog means hitting it, and despite my age (maybe because of it), I never get irritable or grumpy. I've never once complained about a tiring and rambunctious admirer to Jen . . . except that one red-headed girl. I feel I share a unique bond with the men Anna Nicole Smith takes out on dates. They must be as amiable as I in their advancing years for her to want to take them out.
My point is this: if you want a pretty girl to take you out, make sure you won't embarrass her in public. Shine your shoes, comb your hair, tuck in your shirt, and be nice to strangers. I personally do not even step out of the house unless I can see my reflection in my shoes.